One of the things that can keep us from peace is to “personalize.” In his book, “The Four Agreements,” Miguel Ruiz has an entire chapter on not personalizing. He talks about not personalizing ANYTHING. Whatever someone else says or does is about their script, their perceptions, what they learned and their own template of what is important or good enough. When we personalize we make everything about self.
This is very much the case with shame. If I have a shame core belief that “I am not enough,” then I will not only hear it wherever I am, but I will project it onto you and make it about you. So you behave in a certain way and I make it about me and give it the power to control how I feel about myself.
It is a sure way to be in hell. It is a sure way to stay out of peace. And, it can be Extremely hard to not do. I think it becomes harder in our intimate relationships. We have more of a tendency to make the other persons behavior about self. That is one of those beliefs that bears scrutiny. First, ask yourself,” is it really is true?” Then ask,” is it is a belief I really want to hold onto?” Then find a more peaceful belief to replace the original one with. If I can begin to move in the direction of not personalizing what you do and say, I have more control in my life. I am not giving you the power to define me or upset me or help me feel better.
Don’t Personalize Anything- now there is a challenge for all of us!