We have a hard time stepping out of shame if we don’t know we are in it. One of the ways I know shame is active is if I or someone I am working with is “stuck”. Shame gets going in our head and we lock down into self-defeating thoughts or behavior. It is like a sticky web is over us and we just can’t seem to move in any direction at all. I had someone once tell me that when they are in their shame they feel like they are thumbtacked to the wall and are just flailing there. I thought that was an excellent description. We often can “know” a direction that would be helpful, but just can’t seem to move there.
So, if you are stuck, see what your shame might be telling you about whatever it is you are attempting to figure out. So, for example, if you can’t decide if you want to get together with someone then your writing or thought process out of the shame might look like:
If I get together with this person my shame is telling me….
If I don’t get together with this person my shame is telling me…
If I don’t decide what to do my shame is telling me…
Then we can respond to the shame and look at all of our choices.
It doesn’t pay to argue with shame. Just look at it and what it is telling you and then look in the direction of what choice and compassion might tell you. Claim a truth, whether you believe it or not. It helps movement begin again.
Whether I believe it or not, I am a worthy person who deserves __________________.
You fill in the blank and keep moving in that direction.
Peace to you!