Ok- So this is actually happening.
All of my life I have been told I could not sing. It always confused me because I sang so well in cars or when my dog and I were hanging out. I have always loved singing.
So, recently I took a challenge. There is a woman in Albuquerque who teaches singing. Once a year she takes 12 people and works with them on singing. Only, we only work for 5- 2 hour- blocks. Yup- 10 hours together. That is for 12 people. You do the math. At the end of this each person performs 2 solos in front of a live audience of at least 120 people. The performance is called, “Pyromaniac cafe”. It is a fire walk.
I took the challenge. I want to sing. I am sick to death of my shame telling me I will make a fool out of myself. As if that matters. I am beyond caring what my perfectionism demands of me. I want to sing. I don’t need a record contract or to go on American Idol. I just want to get past the point where I am self conscious of my singing. I want to belt out a Christmas carol and have fun.
So, I am one rehearsal away from the performance and it has been a kick-a__ experience. I have felt sick to my stomach, cried, thought of quitting, felt so sad, and been excited beyond excitement. I am doing this. I am going to walk through my vulnerability, letting myself be mediocre, and having fun.
I have truly had enough of this shame getting in the way of me doing things I want to do. I have faced many of these in my life, and this is by far the scariest. Maybe because it is so public. Maybe because it covers my joy. But- I am doing it.
On the Ides of March, in Albuquerque, I am performing at the Pyromaniac cafe with 11 other brave women. Just wanted you to know!