Monthly Archives: September 2018

Shame and rage

In my book I talk often about rage coming directly from shame. If it is destructive to self, property, or others, it is rage, not anger. It can be covert or overt. Covert rage takes place in a persons’ thoughts. Overt rage takes place in a persons’ actions.

I look at the world and hear the news and know that our world is mired in shame. When a person feels shame they feel powerless, less than and out of control. At this point rage takes over. I truly believe that the mass shootings, the wars, the abuse and the suicide increase stems directly from the shame in the world. If I feel less than, unlovable, worthless, undeserving, fraudulent and/or many of the other words that describe shame, I will act out in some way. The feeling of shame is untenable. I will not be able to deal with the pain of isolation until I deal with the shame directly.

There is not a common language for shame. People can cycle in it their entire life and not know what to call it or how to stop it. In that cycle the behavior and thinking is self defeating.

In my book I talk about shame, rage, the self-defeating behavior, the pain of shame. It is not an easy book to read and the healing of shame is not an easy process. However, there are tools, there is help and there is hope.

My book is called, “Shine the Light of Truth on Shame: Daily Reflections.” I wrote 365 days of healing interventions on shame. I believe it is the gentlest yet most effective way to intervene on shame. We do a bit of work each day. We learn tools and how to use them. We develop a language for shame. The book is all about solutions for healing shame. It was a very difficult book to write. It represents my 30 plus years as a therapist who specialized in healing shame. I have used all of the tools in my own personal work and the work with my clients. They are tried and true.

My book is on Amazon.

Barb Tonn