Part of what makes me so good at helping people heal from shame is because I have had so much of it and have worked very very hard to bring it into healing. Well, tonight I just got another lovely payoff for hard work.
A few months ago I did the Pyromaniac Cafe. (See earlier blogs). It was so scary to have been told my whole life that I couldn’t sing and then put myself on stage and sing two solos. I moved through so much shame doing that. There were times during the process I did not think I could expose myself in such a vulnerable way. What if I was bad and people made fun of me? I risked that because I decided I didn’t really care. I wanted to sing and I did!
Well, I have also always wanted to be in a play. Part of why I didn’t ever audition was because I was traveling so much I could not make the auditions. Well, this Sunday I auditioned for a play. Now I have to say that it was not as scary as singing 2 solos in front of over 100 people. But, I wanted to do it and I did. I had a blast doing the reading and it truly didn’t matter if I got a part or not. Just letting myself do things that I have always wanted to do, no matter how I look to others is the big wonderful opportunity. As it so happens, I was offered a part in the play and I am so excited.
I see more and more often how I benefit when I don’t let my shame keep me hidden and small. When I look at the shame and name it and then turn in the direction of compassion, I am ALWAYS ALWAYS the better off for it. I am freer than I have ever been to enjoy myself. I am doing the things that I want to, no matter how silly I look or how vulnerable I am.
I am sure there will be many more opportunities to face my fears. I only hope I can take the hand of my scared inner self and stand up with her and support her.
I am having fun !
I believe this is the payoff for really bringing shame into healing and not giving it the power to stop us in our tracks and keep us from experiencing our life in the way we secretly wish we could.
I am so grateful.
Signing off with a big grin!